Blatherings of an Extroverted Bookworm

I've had so many things to do/on my mind lately that it wasn't until yesterday that I took a good look at the calender and realized today was going to be the anniversary of 9/11. I guess that's a result of the grieving process, I know 5 years ago I spent about a month dreading the first anniversary. That doesn't mean I've "forgotten" though.

I remember the surprise of hearing that a plane hit one of the Towers.
I remember the fear and shock when then learned both Towers had gotten hit, realizing that it wasn't an accident but an attack was a terrible jolt.
I remember the absolute terror and grief of seeing those building go down, and being so very grateful that I wasn't witnessing it live. The filter of television made it slightly easier to deal with.
I remember the panic of knowing that the Pentagon had been hit, that there was another plane that went down in PA. The jittery fear and overriding sense of doom and being utterly convinced that something else was next, that something else was going to go down and others would die.
I remember the fear I felt for my younger brother who was working in downtown (no in the immediate World Trade Center area, but just a subway ride away) and the relief I felt when he got home, exhausted and shell-shocked from all the hours it took to walk in the mass confusion and fear until he could take the ferry back to NJ, and then hop on a bus towards home.
I remember being convinced that at least 10,000 people had to have died, and the relief when we learned it wasn't as much.
I remember the World Trade Center. It was a building set of buildings, it was in the background my whole life (well, I was 3 when they were completed, but as far as I was concerned they were always there). I am reminded every damn day that they are still gone and I despise the fact that bullshit politics and special interest group nonsense has stalled the construction of something new.
I remember the relentless parade of information about all the people who died, the stream from TV, magazines, newspapers, and internet and how I took it all in no mater how much it upset me because dammit, these people mattered. And also, but for a quirk of fate it could have been me there, or one of my loved ones; leveled on what was supposed to be a regular day.

And I despise how our dreadful, lying sack of shit president used this tragedy to manipulate and hoodwink our nation into a war we didn't have to wage. It makes me sick to know there are thousands of people dead because of Bush's war on terror. It makes me sick and sad and scared to know that this particular cycle of violence might not end in my lifetime (lifeteim= Yolen living to a ripe old age, hopefully!).

In summation: BLEAH.

Today, fings and I have been married for 6 months. Holy cow!

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Today, I have an appointment with my gynecologist @ 2:30pm EST. Thank goodness, cause I've been a wreck the past couple of weeks. I could be wrong, but I feel utterly convinced that I have PCOS. Or if not PCOS, some other metabolic condition that renders my mentrual cycle insane. I'm terribly concerned about both baby-making and my long term general health. Fuck. I've been driving my husband crazy with my concerns and with all the research I've been doing online and with a book I got off of Amazon. I've been driving *me* crazy, too. I'm going to have to demand all sorts of tests and I'm both looking forward to them so we can get some answers, and dreading the possible emotional rollercoaster. Wish me luck!

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I love my family, but I feel like I need a small vacation from them.

My left ankle hurts and I still feel groggy from my dumb ass being up till almost 3am. I wonder if I had too much Coke last night. Bleah. I feel kinda crappy.

I'm listening to "Common People" as covered by William Shatner w/Joe Jackson, produced by Ben Folds. It still kicks all kinds of ass, omfg, I love this song.

I really have a great desire to see Joe Jackson in concert again, it's been too long. I luuuurve Joe Jackson and he puts on a wonderful concert, the happy vibes last for days afterward.

Watched Pedro Almovodar's movie "Talk to Her" last night, very, very good. He has a knack for making movies that should be totally creepifying, but are unexpectedly moving. And I really liked the bits of music and dancing in the movie, I would love to visit Spain one day. I swear, whenever I hear music from Spain, I feel a stirring in my blood. Must be genetic memory :).

Still working on getting all my paperwork and such transferred over to my new name. Sending off some paperwork to Sallie Mae so they can change my name in their records and voter registration paperwork for fings and myself, will be going to the DMV tomorrow to get a new ID. Right, then I can send off my passport to get updated. After that, the only thing I can really think of is an update on medical records. I'll be very glad when I no longer have to concern myself with this. It's still jarring to see my name now, and it's jarring for fings, too. Heh.

Labor Day Weekend entailed: a Saturday birthday party for my little nephew J. who turned 3 on Tuesday, a lot of sitting around on our asses, some minimal cleaning up around the condo, emptying out a total of 2 boxes of stuff from the move (oy, so much left to unpack, we suck), watching as many episodes of "Firefly" as I could get away with, moving furniture, and having dinner with eafm & thudthwacker and my in-laws (at the same time!).

( furniture moving )

( nephew's bday party )

When 2 packrat bookworms marry, it makes for interesting adventures in unpacking. So much of our stuff is still in boxes. I just opened up a box and recoiled at how many damn pairs of shoes I have. Well, it's not a crazy number of shoes, but the problem is where to put them all! And where the eff will I put all of my decorative tchotckes, and all of my books...fings is the dominant book owner around here and most of the shelving units are already taken and shit, there's still more books waiting for me at my parent's house! Also, I'm utterly daunted by looking into the boxes marked "Miscellaneous" from the last frantic night of packing up fings' apt before he moved to the condo. It will be a marvel to behold what those boxes contain, and a mystery where it will all go. And the guest bedroom is exploding with "stuff". And we need a sofa (and a ride to IKEA to get one!), and a new dining room set. Ack. Like I said, interesting adventures :P.

It's a ~beautiful~ day.

Gosh darn it, I am in need of ice cream!!

I am in the middle of cleaning out stuff in my room, I have been saving way too much crap over the years. I found the script from my Confirmation Service & Confirmation Notes (catechism stuff)...I was confirmed a little over 19 years ago! I completely forgot I was still holding on to this stuff, guess it's still in my possession to remind me of what I consider to be um....Catholic stuff that is irrelevant to my life. After all, contrary to the purpose of Confirmation in the Catholic Church and my parent's expectations, the whole process of getting Confirmed is what pretty much made me realize this jive wasn't for me. The only reason I went through with the confirmation was because I knew full well my mother would have literally kicked my ass if I even suggested not going through with it. Haha, I am taking a peek at the Confirmation Notes now, wow. Just got a flashback of when I was first given these papers by the CCD teacher, and the look on her face when I started to question something that I read, something that I wasn't sure about. When she told me that this was not information to be questioned, but information to be accepted, memorized, and parroted back (she didn't saay it in so many words, but that was the gist), well....I think that was the final straw for me. What I had been suspecting up until then became stark reality: this wasn't for me, I wasn't about to have my relationship with God dictated to me. Damn, I was one smart 13 year old ;).

Crikey, I'm amazed by the some of the mementos I've been holding on after all of this time. Some are being kept, to be tucked away in folders/boxes for the occasional perusal but so much has been/will be tossed away. It's necessary and cathartic, but also bittersweet in a way. I guess letting go of evidence of your own past always is...but, I am making room for my future, and that's a really good thing.

Still want ice cream, I might have to stroll outside for an ice cream sandwich.

I am still getting used to wearing this engagement ring! The weight on my finger, looking at my hand and still thinking "Holy crap, I'm engaged to fings!!". Am feeling a little giddy, a bit scared, rather excited and very happy! I hear this is normal ;).

I have to get rid of a shitload of books, oy.

Am *dying* to see pictures of renegade_geek & kosciost's new baby, Gwynn!

OK, that's it for now, peace out, yo.

My dad put a few bucks on the company Super Bowl pool in my nephew little J.'s name and now little J. is $200 richer! His bank account isn't looking too shabby for a kid just shy of 2 1/2 years :).

Yesterday, when I got home from work, my little nephew J. was still here. My mother takes care of him Mondays and Wednesdays, the other days of the week he is at a day care center. The arrangement seems to be working, so far. Anyway, he got so happy SO HAPPY to see me. He smacked his forehead in disbelief, did a little dance and was hooting and hollering, just about. It was so amazing to see how much he loves me and has missed seeing me on a regular basis. I've missed him, too. We had a nice time playing until his mother came to pick him up at about 7pm.

Today, my dad turned 62 years old.

I love my daddy very much :).

fings and I spent a few hours on New Year's Eve with my parents. We had some dinner and watched "Like Water for Chocolate", which my parents had never seen and they thoroughly enjoyed. My mother in particular appreciated that it was a Mexican film and my folks had fun pointing out the people who they recognized from the Mexican soap operas. My oldest sister and her 3 sons popped by a little while before we headed out for the night.

Later on we went to a party that an old college pal of fing's was having in Hoboken. the_malum was there as well as mitch37 and various other people, only one other who I knew in addition to the host. Everyone I didn't know was very friendly, it was nice to see the people I know, and the the booze was copious. I had a nice time, got trashed, laid a big ole kiss on my sweetie when the ball dropped and then felt supremely sentimental, nostalgic, wistful, regretful over some of the past and very hopeful for all of my future. We went to bed at about 4am.

New Year's Day, we woke up around 1pm and enjoyed being absolute bums! I tossed out the idea of heading off to a movie, but fings was of the opinion that he'd want to go to the movies if the theatre were 2 blocks away. Alas. But that was fine, as I was basically of the same opinion! We played video games, watched stuff (yay, "Battlestar Galactica"! yay "Finding Neverland"!), read, ate and loafed. It was wonderful. Today was more of the same until I headed back home, except some cleaning was actually accomplished :).

Going back to work tomorrow is going to kick my ass a bit! But that's ok, I'll recover.

Life is good.

I read 61 books last year, I have to post my 2005 book list sometime this week.

I am not getting trashed again till my birthday rolls around. And even then, only a wee trashed ;).

Here's is fervently hoping that the new year brings good things to all.

I can't figure right now how to include the thumbnail of this photo in this post from the LJ Scrapbook Gallery, so phooey for now, here's the link:
http://pics.livejournal.com/yolen/pic/00001p4s/g1
That weird band across fings' forehead is reflected light from the kitchen. The kitchen is shiny.