Blatherings of an Extroverted Bookworm

Finally cleaned out a box of old clothing I've been meaning to tackle. Picked out some stuff to go to Goodwill. In the pile are 2 pairs of jeans I've been hauling around for 10+ years...the "I will lose weight and fit into these jeans again!" jeans. Depressing. I wore these things 100 pounds ago, just about. All these years of having them stored, and I've just gotten heavier and heavier. I might have to accept that I will never be that size again. But I still need to work on losing weight. In the meantime, I'm releasing those jeans. No point in dwelling on how I used to look, have to concentrate on how I want to look in the future.

Probably the most depressing thing about looking at those jeans is how I thought I was fat then. Amazing.

fings and I went for a physical earlier this week, and we are depressed about our weight, concerned about our blood pressure, etc. We have got to stop feeling bad and DO something. We have to get healthier, for our own sakes and for the sake of our son. Oy gevalt.

I've been procrastinating like a mofo on condo association crap, and it's going to bite me in the ass. Or rather, it's biting me already. I suck. I don't want to deal with this stuff. Wah! One of those times when being a grownup is overrated :/.

This stupid fucktard is going to take a three hour nap. Here's hoping I don't make a complete and utter disgrace of myself on my written and oral exam, and the review of my portfolio and other supporting documentation. I should have known better than to agree to the test date right after the frigging election.

Because I am an utter and complete DUMBASS, here I am at 4am in the morning going over my Child Development Associate portfolio for my CDA test and review tomorrow. I'm making sure everything I need to have completed is completed. I should have done this oh, SOMETIME OVER THE SUMMER. Definitely sometime in the past week, but the campaign ate my brain. I'm a fucking idiot. I am also running on fumes. My hope is that my portfolio is more than ready and I can go to be soon, and that anything I need to finish can be at least be done by 6am so I can have at least a 3 hour nap before getting ready for the test. I'm hoping I can keep my shit afloat when I meet with the reviewer at 10am. I will be running purely on post-election joy and caffeine. Yup. I'm a SCHMUCK!! And I am so coming home to sleep once it's all over. Hopefully I'll find out by the end of the year if I get my credential, or if I flunked like a moron. We'll see!

I am SO DONE with formal education and tests and shit. DONE.

I am suspecting that my period is on its way soon, and that this is in large part hormonal. But knowing that doesn't change the fact that right now I want to flee to parts unknown. Or, hide under my sheet with books and have the world understand that I want it to leave me alone! I feel overwhelmed by a big pile of crap. I don't want to deal with my messy apartment and all the crap that needs to be gotten rid of and cleaned and organized, I don't want to deal with being fat and infertile, I don't want to deal with the efffing condo association bullcrap, I don't want to deal with sending out job applications, and I don't want to deal with the disaster that is my family. I want to hide, read, take a nap, drink soda, eat chocolate and just say "FUCK EVERYTHING" and mean it.

Sigh.

I'd better go work on the kitchen. Baby steps, baby steps...

Ugh, I'm in one of my moods where I am wishing that running around in circles, telling people to kiss my ass, and then hiding under a blanket would solve all my problems.

Actually, I'm pretty damn amused by the mental image of me doing just that, which means I'm not feeling THAT crotchety. Heh.

Yesterday we went to OneCrazyFamily's Annual May Day party! Thank for having us over, we had a very nice time :).

Today I slept in ridiculously late and have accomplished nothing. I really should have done a lot of cleaning. I'm going to kick myself tomorrow, I know it. Oh, well. I'll live.

I have an insane amount of work to do for my CDA class in the next 2 weeks. I have painted myself in a corner, way to go, yolen! Hopefully I get it all done without losing my mind completely. Or driving my husband to drink.

OMG, I went to sleep way too late last night and slept like total shiiiiiiiiit and I have to sit in class from 9am-1pm and then head off for a wedding that starts @ 4pm and then the reception is like, 6-11. I guess I can *try* to nap on the train, but man I'm going to be a sleepy wench today. *Wah*wah*bitch*moan*.

I wish I had dropped these CDA classes after my miscarriage. My motivation went straight to the toilet after that and it hasn't really returned. Oh well.

Way to go! I totally forgot my appt with the professor who's going to help me fix a registration snafu. Good thing she can see me tomorrow. Durr.

I have been drinking WAAAAAY TOO MUCH FUCKING SODA lately. Yeah, I suck. Dammit.