Blatherings of an Extroverted Bookworm

Nicole Kidman is crediting "fertility waters" for her successful pregnancy.

Oh, REALLY? How about kissing my big fat Puerto Rican ass, you bullshitter!?!

A discussion had come up recently on one of the Fertility Friend forums about celebrities who most likely have used fertility treatments (Brad & Angie, Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony, Nicole Kidman) but are super hush-hush about it. And how that can rankle because as if it isn't bad enough that being infertile can make you feel worthless in your worst & most hellish moments, having celebrities deny and act like infertility and infertility treatments are something to be ashamed of doesn't help. Yes, I know that they are people too, and it's understandable that they want privacy. But what about the celebrities who announce their breast cancer, or alcohol addiction? The thing is, infertility is a medical condition, and the stigmas surrounding it are BULLSHIT and the more people who remain silent, the more clueless and uninformed people will make asinine comments that make you want to beat them (angry, me? what, who's angry?). I certainly haven't been one to keep my mouth shut, about 2 1/2 months ago I was chatting amiably the with electrician who came to do a job in our building and it came up in conversation that I'd just recently celebrated my 2nd wedding anniversary. The electrician (meaning well, of course) chided me for not having children yet. I calmly informed him that we had also just "celebrated" our second year of infertility, and that my final round of clomid in May was a bust. I could tell he was thrown off, he wasn't expecting that. But he wished us well once he collected himself.

Anyway. Here's a list of celebrities who have struggled with infertility issues and treatments (in some cases not strictly infertility, but other medical conditions that made having children very tricky). It was posted on the Fertility Friend forum.

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Well, hell, my lovely 1960's vintage sunglasses that fings gave me for my bday 2 years ago have a cracked lens. My fault for sitting down with them in my pocket, d'oh. *KRIES*

Also, even when you are 99% certain will get a Big Fat Negative on a home pregnancy test, it still kinda sucks to see "Not Pregnant" staring you right in the face. C'est la vie.

I *FINALLY* have an appointment to see a reproductive endocrinologist! I first called on January 22 for an appointment, only to learn I had to make an appt. to see one of the gynecologists first so that they could screen me for the RE. The earliest appt. they had was for May 7th. I was NOT happy with this, but what was I going to do? We don't have a car (hell, I don't even know how to drive), so I am pretty limited in how far I can go to see a doctor. The outfit I'm dealing with is affiliated with UMDNJ so I feel pretty good about that (so does my primary physician). So, anyway, I went to my appt. last month, and it went a lot smoother than I had expected. I thought I was going to have to make a big case for thinking that I have PCOS at my appt. last month and I brought all this paperwork (temperature charts, most recent test results). I didn't have to make a case at all! Which was a relief, cause the one downside was the looong wait once I got there! So it was a huge relief to zip through a consult and physical exam with a very sympathetic doctor who *listened*. I had to go back 2 days later to get some blood drawn, and that was another long wait, but eh. I got to hold a 5 month old so his mom could fill out the patient paperwork and he was darling, so that was a nice way to spend part of the time :). I resigned myself to having to wait some weeks to hear back from an RE and I did hear back from one last Thursday.

I had this dream this morning:

I was in an off-white corridor, and I knew that I was in a hospital even though I saw nothing but a long hallway, no doors or people or anything. I walked down the hallway until I saw a woman lying on a hospital bed wearing a hospital gown; she was on her side and facing the wall. She was dead (there was no reason to believe she was anything other than sleeping, but in the dream I knew she was dead). Then all of a sudden my mother was standing there, very sad and holding what I knew to be a dead infant wrapped in a towel. She told me not to worry, that she was praying for me to make sure that I would have no dead babies and I would in no way have to worry about dying like that woman had; that I would be a-ok in that department. I don't remember how the scene changed, but next thing I knew I was told by someone (don't remember who) that I had been granted a job interview, and to hurry or I would be late. They gave me the address and I rushed off in a panic. I was in the section of Jersey City where I lived all of my life until recently (only it looked a bit different of course, much busier and bigger) and was lost, I had no idea where the hell this place was. I showed the scrap of paper I was holding to some random dude who said "Oh! You are looking for the Christopher Columbus 10/15 Restaurant! It's over on 1515 St., you should know where that is!". I think at this point the whole thing was too ridiculous for my brain because I woke up. And of course, after waking up I lay in bed for a few minutes wondering if this was some sort of "sign" that I'd be having a baby in October, even though I don't really believe in that sort of thing. This made me feel like an ass :P.

So great, between my baby fever and reading "Stiff: The Curious Live of Human Cadavers" it would seem my subconscious is in overdrive. Sheesh!!